I think the greatest thing you ever taught me, is that you can give so much of yourself to someone, and it still won’t be enough. And I am sorry, that I was not enough.
When I was 16, I had a fake I.D. and decided to go to a gay bar by myself because some friends bailed on me. While there, an older gentleman bought me a drink. He wasn’t a creeper, and he definitely wasn’t unattractive. I accepted the drink and began talking to him. No big deal. As the hour progressed, I felt myself feeling strange. I mentioned that I felt like I had a headache, and this guy helped guide me out of the bar. As we were walking down the street, the thought of, ‘Oh god, he’s drugged me, I’m going to die’ came to my head. I tried to get away, but I was so drugged up that I could barely walk, let alone speak. It also didn’t help that I had really large ‘goth’ platform shoes because I was going through a phase. Anyway, this guy brought me to his suv and began undressing me. As a final act of defiance, I hit him over the head with my platform shoe. He then punched me, and I remember thinking, ‘Why don’t they ever give workshops to gay guys about being victims of rape too?’ While I was as careful as possible, I never saw the guy slip something in the drink. I even watched the bar tender make the drink. Anyway, I lied there completely paralyzed while this pervert was lubing up. I locked eyes with his for a moment, and that’s when it happened. A very large and angry drag queen opened the door of the vehicle and beat the shit out of my attempted rapist. She and her other drag friends helped dress and care for me while the police arrived. I was saved by a group of guardian drag queens. They were basically the modern day ‘angels from heaven.’
Just because someone desires you, it does not mean that they value you.
Read it over.
Let those words resonate in your mind.
Because when I was 13 years old, I was sent home for my tank top straps being a little too thin, but a boy could wear a Cool Story babe, Go Make Me A Sandwich shirt and not be looked at twice.
Because when I was 17 and I told a guy “No” and the next day the word tease was painted on my locker.
Because when I was 18 and just wanted to be friends, I was a bitch.
Because I feel the need to say “I have a boyfriend” instead of “No” because guys respect other men more than they would ever respect me.
Because society screams “don’t get raped” instead of “don’t rape”
Because I am scared to walk alone at 10 PM
Because being beautiful is the most important thing I’ll ever do.
Because when I wear my favorite skirt “I’m asking for it”
Because the song Blurred Lines exists
Because no means no no matter how you fucking spin it
Because a girl was drugged and raped with a beer bottle, and the boys who did it are out on bail.
Because pepper spray is a gift I receive yearly.
Because I am asked if I have a boyfriend more than I am asked about my mental health
Because my clothes say more about my consent then my mouth does.
Because the wage gap exists
Because “not all men are like that” is said way too often
Because I feel the need to say “I’m not a feminist but…”
Because I’m writing this fucking piece